Through the Silence
The sound of rain on the roof reminds me of your words and how they weighed me down through nights of my endless musings that were bereft of the chance to wander amid the coldness of these gaps. Regardless of the warmth of my coffee on my tongue, I listen to every raindrop almost the same way I did when your presence surprised me and only the voices in my head are what I couldn’t erase until now. Despite the loud pounding of my heart against my chest, still I continued to betray myself. My anxiety began to destroy every bit of my being, and I let it—numbness traveled throughout the hollowness of my organs, my lungs and my throat tire out of you. I let go and now, the silence has taken its place and my surroundings that knew you are only a part of that remain.
Between the echoes of your absence, something twitches and inside me, it pierces relentlessly. The chaos comes back and doesn’t leave, and then occupies the space where you once belonged. I have so much to confess, but I leave words unspoken and let them tangle up with my own lies until I choke and the distance becomes solid—much stronger and indestructible. Perhaps it suppresses to make better progress in our eventual destruction. While on the other side of this universe, you regret meeting me for I only bring the worse. And maybe, the reason of all these is that we are better off not knowing each other.
In the memory of your existence, here I am spending another night to hear the sound of rain pouring down. I watch myself crashing down on you, piece by piece. How I wish it would only stay that way—me coming back to you without any battle occurring—but then, the rain never pours down without having the clouds to carry it, and you chose to withdraw your arms.